I am slowly going crazy...

Not a lot of moms will admit this, but MY KIDS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE! The last few weeks they have both (8months & 3) have been a little sick, teething, whiny, had numerous temper tantrums and I feel like I'm going to lose it. By 8am this morning, I had one that had been crying since he woke up, and another that had already had a 15 minute tantrum because she wanted chocolate for breakfast. I said no, so she hit me. Nice start to the day. So I attempt the 'time out', which is always SO tiring. She just loses it for about 15 minutes and I have to hold the door shut so she stays in her room on her 'time out chair' (for ONE minute I might add, its not like I'm making her stay in there for an hour...). Mothers don't really talk about feeling like they are going to lose their mind very often. I don't know if it's because other mom's would judge them and think they are a bad mother or what, but it is kind of an unspoken thing for some reason. I don't really care if you judge me and think I'm a bad mom (actually I do, I hate when people judge me and I am really sensitive. So if you think I'm a horrible mom, just please don't leave a comment...lol :)

There is a scene in the new Sex & the City movie where the girls are asking Charlotte and her husband how things are and he says something like 'Oh it's tough, the baby is just crying all day long...' and so on and she says, ' Oh it's not too bad, we are fine, we love our girls' or something like that. Then a few scenes later she is baking with the girls and they are just crying and getting into things and the one daughter gets red paint handprints all over her beautiful WHITE outfit and she just starts crying, gets overwhelmed and locks herself in a closet crying. I looked at my girlfriend in the movie and said that is exactly how it is sometimes. Sometimes I have to just walk away, go in my room and shut the door for 5 minutes (or a few hours...just kidding). But no one wants to admit it. Why? Do we feel like we have to be supermom 24 hours a day 7 days a week?! Who can do that? I definitely can't!

I'm not sure if this is just a busy stage with the kids ages or what, but IS IT EVER GOING TO END? I mean, my kids are normally so good and I am so blessed to have two healthy beautiful kids, but the baby is just going through a stage I guess where he cries ALL DAY LONG unless he's being held (then he tries to squirm away but is not crying) I don't have time to hold him all day. He can't crawl yet, just started to sit up (I know, 8 months and just started sitting...he's a little top heavy so he would always just topple over!) so I don't know if he is just frustrated with not being able to get around or what, but it is a rough stage!

I feel a little guilty, but I LOVE when I have to work! I hate that I have to leave the cranky kids with Tim after he's worked all day but I absolutely love having the night 'off'. At this point I would way rather work than stay home all day, it is much less exhausting (probably because I don't do a whole lot at work, lol).

I've also recently cut out Charlotte's nap (which was 2 hours of freedom every day, it was glorious!) which has taken a toll on my patience and sanity. By the time I get the kids bathed and to bed, I'm ready for bed. I often go to bed before the sun goes down because I'm so tired! I can't even enjoy the peace and quiet with my husband. It is really hard.

All I can say is, as far as right now, I am DONE having kids. I don't know how you moms do it with 3, 4, 5 kids, you must actually be supermom! I can't imagine the amount of patience you must have, props to you!

Seperation Anxiety!?!? HELP!

I need some advice for Charlotte's separation anxiety problem! She will be 3 in June, and I cannot leave her anywhere by herself. Not Sunday school, not gymnastics (even though I'm standing about 10 feet away the whole time), nowhere. I think this is a common problem with the first child, but I thought she'd be over it after 10 weeks of gymnastics. Nope. I've tried everything. Rewards, psyching her up for a couple days before, tough love...nothing seems to work. I know a lot of parents are judging me when I stay with her in the classes but if I don't, she LOSES it. She will cry hysterically and she doesn't stop. People will say to just leave her and let her cry but it hasn't worked. I have left her there and they always have to come and get me. And by that time she is so upset there is not a chance of her going back in. And I feel guilty not only for leaving her screaming, but for the teacher because they are busy too with all of the other children, they don't have time to try and comfort a 2 year old that is losing it! What do I do? Will she grow out of it? Is there another way that I haven't tried? Does anyone else have this problem? She will be going to school in a year and I feel like it is going to be a HORRIBLE adjustment if I can't nip this one soon!
Although this gymnastics class has been a pain in the butt with trying to convince her to go every single week, having to be right there the whole time, dealing with the whining and crying every time, we are still going to sign up for the spring class...another 8 weeks, Lord help us!
Her report card read, "Charlotte is a very talented gymnast but needs to work on coming into the gym alone." Lol...please help me!

A lowly server, is that all I am?

Another blog about being a lowly server. Normally, being a server does not bother me. No, it's not the most glamorous job in the world, but they work around my schedule, I get to stay at home with my kids during the day, I work with people I love (well at the Lakehouse anyways...), and the money is really good. But there is always that customer you get once in a while that thinks they are so much better than you because they have a 'real' job. And I got the pleasure of serving that customer last night.
Funny thing is that when I was driving into work last night I was thinking how I felt really good that I was going back to work, felt like I was helping out my boss and that I was contributing to my family's needs (or my spending money for New York :). And then I had the table that made me feel like a huge failure and that I had the worst job in the world.
I hate judgement. It is one of my biggest pet peeves when people judge others. I take it so personally, and I wish I could just blow it off but I can't. And these men where totally judging me. First they asked me if I had a university education. I told them I took a couple college and university courses, but didn't really know what I wanted to do or if I even wanted a 'career'. I told them I was a stay at home mother of two young children and that is what I wanted to do right now. I want to stay home and be with my kids and raise them the best I can. I don't want to put them in daycare and have someone else being with them all day long while I go to work. My mom was a stay at home mom of five and I always wanted to do the same. Don't get me wrong if you do have a career and have your kids in daycare, I think that's great if it's right for you and your family. No judgement. I just prefer to be here, and I consider it a privilege that we can do that, I know it's tough to be able to afford to have only one working parent these days. Then they asked me if I thought I would be doing this at my age. What the ?! Am I really that pathetic? I was just so caught off guard by these men. I felt like saying, do you really think you are better than me because you have a career? Is it all about money? Because what job can you go in for 4 hours and walk out with $100, plus your wage? Or is it because it appears because I am a waitress that I have no education? What does that even mean? Am I a dumb person because I serve tables? What I wanted to say them (and what I WILL say the next time this happens) was that I want to be with my kids as much as I can, I don't HAVE to go to work, my husband has a great job and makes great money (with NO university education I might add...), I live in a nice house, drive a nice car, I'm going to be a foster parent, and I am a nice and (fairly) smart person! Stop judging me! Yeah right, like I would ever say that to a customer. But I wish I could, it certainly makes me feel better just to blog about it!
So the next time you are out, be nice to your server. Don't judge, you don't know anything about them. They could be a single mother trying to support her children, could be a university student trying to pay their way through school, or just a regular old person like me who just enjoys getting out of the house. Just don't tick off the waitress, I mean, we are the ones bringing the food that you are about to eat. Who knows what we may do to it... :) just kidding...

Blessed

How I ended up with two healthy, beautiful & well behaved children is beyond me. Having children and being pregnant is a scary thing. We worry about all of the problems kids have now a days, downs syndrome, cancer, cerebral palsy, attention deficit disorder, I could go on and on. It's just scary. And I have been blessed with two wonderful and super easy children. My sister in law was over last night and said that I make parenting of two children look so easy. I said it's not me, it's them. They are so good, it really is unbelievable. Charlotte was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old, and Preston at 10 weeks. They both nap at the same time, rarely cry, and Charlotte can entertain herself while I get the housework done. I really feel so lucky. I always say that God will never give you anything you can't handle, and I really don't think I could handle a child with a disability or even a difficult child. I don't have the patience! And I really look up to any parent that has to raise a difficult or special needs child. Props to you!

I was looking at Preston the other day thinking that I think I need to have another one (NOT right now, but eventually...). I like having a baby so much more this time around, maybe because I know how fast they grow, I'm really enjoying every stage this time instead of wishing for the next when he'll crawl, talk, etc. But I feel like the odds of having ANOTHER perfect child may just be a little slim.

For some reason, I think we'll end up with a houseful of kids, whether it will just 2 of our own and some foster children, or maybe we'll adopt...who knows, but I think we may have a few more than I originally wanted. I love coming from a large family (5 kids), it was so much fun growing up and when we're all together now we have the greatest time! I want that for my kids. I am normally such a planner, but not knowing this part of our lives is exciting! I know we will be faced with many challenges, especially fostering, but I know it will be so rewarding! I can't wait to see what happens!

It's official!

It's finally over. It took years, but we are officially certified foster parents. Tim & I decided when we got married that we wanted to be foster parents. We took a 3 month course at Family & Children Services, went through months of psychological testing, digging up our past life experiences and finally we have been approved. Things were put on hold for a couple years with us having children, moving into our new home and us just being 'ready' to take on this great responsibility. And it will be another few months until a child will be placed with us, seeing that our baby is still so young, but we are so excited about the new journey in this stage in our lives.

Our case worker came over the other day to show us the report she had written about us and man, was it ever bang on. Just from the 5 or 6 interviews she had with us, she knew everything about us. Our personality's, our struggles, our pasts, the way we interact with each other and how we are with our kids. It was amazing to me that just in that time she was always watching us, judging our character and writing everything she saw down. And she approved us to have the great responsibility of helping a child in need and making a difference in their life. I feel honoured already. And scared.

We are going to be taking babies/children age 0-3 years old. Yes, this is going to be extremely difficult and trying most of the time I'm sure. And those of you who know me know that I am not the most relaxed person. But all I have to keep thinking is that I'm helping a child who's
parent(s) cannot help them right now. I can only hope that I can do this job and do it the best I can and try my best to make a difference. I'm sure I'll have a few more posts in the future about my struggles of doing this, but in the meantime I am so excited to start!

Hope you all have a great day!

A little questionnaire.

2010 Girl Friend Survey Welcome to the 2010 edition of getting to know your Friends. ' press FORWARD ' then change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known!

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8:30am, thanks kids!

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds, although I recently got a pearl necklace and I do love it!

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
New Moon

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Friends

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Right now, Vector & Soy milk (trying to lose the baby weight...)

6. What is your middle name?
Erica

7. What food do you dislike?
tomatoes, onions

8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
I only listen to my Ipod, and I like pretty much everything.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Mercedes SUV

10. Favorite sandwich?
Subs with an assortment of different meat!

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Judgemental people

12. Favorite item of clothing?
My lovely lululemons, which I live in!

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Germany

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Doesn't matter, I am not that big on name brands.

15. Where would you retire to?
No idea! Too young to think about that!

16. What was your most memorable birthday?
My 16th birthday, where we were almost arrested! lol...

17. Favorite sport to watch?
I hate watching all sports!

18. Furthest place you are sending this?
England

19. Person you expect to send it back first?
Shandi

20. When is your birthday?
April 11...but I don't want to talk about it.

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night! Definitely!

22. What is your shoe size?
8.5

23. Pets?
Fish. Nice and easy. No mess.

24. Any new and exciting news you 'd like to share with us?
Nope!

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
A teacher.

26. How are you today?
Not bad.

27. What is your favorite candy?
I like all candy.

28. What is your favorite flower?
Gerber Daisy's

29. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
March 2! New York!

30. What's your full name?
Trudy Erica Bowslaugh. Very attractive name eh?!

31. What are you listening to right now?
CAILLOU! I HATE CAILLOU!

32. What was the last thing you ate?
Pretzels.

33. Do you wish on stars?
No.

34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Purple.

35. How is the weather right now?
Gloomy.

36. What is your natural hair color?
Dark brown. Haven't seen it in about 12 years!

37. Favorite soft drink?
Diet coke. Hands down.

38. Favorite restaurant?
I know it's sad, but I love the food at the Lakehouse (and now Stonehouse).

39. Favorite color of nail polish?
Dark purple.

40. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Barbies.

41. Summer or winter?
SUMMER!

42. Hugs or kisses
That's a tough one. I'm not very touchy feely...

43. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla.

44. Coffee or tea?
Tea.

45. Do you want your friends to email you back?
I'd hope for some sort of response after doing this ridiculous questionnaire!

46. When was the last time you cried?
Not sure, definitely in the last month or two (I blame it on the hormones!)


47. What is under your bed?
Charlotte's toys from Christmas. She got WAY too much so we hid some...

48. What did you do last night?
Nothing. Watch the Golden Globes and went to bed at 10pm!

49. What are you afraid of?
Spiders.

50. Salty or sweet?
Usually sweet.

51. How many keys on your key ring?
6.

52. How many years at your current job?
7!

53. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday.

54. How many towns have you lived in?
3.

55. Do you make friends easily?
Yes. I think so anyways.

56. How many people will you send this to?
A couple.

57. How many will respond?
I'm going to go with one. Shandi?

What to make for dinner...

I am a horrible cook. Well, maybe not horrible but I pretty much have made the same dishes every week for the last few years. Pita pizza's(my favourite), Chicken wraps, spaghetti, tacos, chicken and vegetables...that pretty much sums it up. I don't like cooking because its messy, takes forever and usually when I make it, it doesn't taste that good. Recently I started using recipes from Kraft.com, which are so easy and so quick! I have tried many different ones and some are not bad! I'm going to post a recipe each week that is easy, tastes good and is fairly healthy.

I'd love to know your favourite dinner recipes that are easy to make and are not time consuming. Please share!

Asian Peanut Beef & Noodles

spaghetti, broken in half

1-1/2 cups of snow or snap peas

1/2 cup red pepper strips

2 tbsp catalina dressing

1/2 beef strips

1 tbsp peanut butter

1 tbsp soy sauce

2 green onions, chopped

2 tbsp crushed peanuts

Cook spaghetti adding vegetables to last 2 minutes of cooking time.

Heat dressing on med-high in a saucepan. Add meat and cook 5 min. Add peanut butter & soy sauce until it thickens (I like my food saucy, so I doubled the peanut butter & soy sauce). Drain spaghetti and add to mixture. Stir in green onions and sprinkle with peanuts. Delish!

A budget? I hate budgets!

I have never lived on a budget. Since I started working I just spent my money however I wanted. And I still do to this day. But something has got to change! I recently got audited and I owe the government a whopping $10,000. Now that may not be a lot to some people, but when you're 28, have two small children & don't get anything for maternity leave, that is a lot. I have decided that we need to budget our monthly income to pay off our debt and save for the future. But how do I go about it!? I'm clueless! I went through our monthly bills last night and saw that if I cut back on a few things I could save maybe $100 a month. $100?! That's nothing! It was a little discouraging. We don't live an extravagant life, but we live a very comfortable one. We have a nice house, a decent car and we buy whatever we need (& sometimes just things we want...). But I don't know what to change to save on our monthly bills (and I don't know that I really WANT to...). I recently wrote down every penny we spent for one week, and let me tell you, it was a lot. It made me NOT want to keep track because it was embarrassing! But is that how you start a budget? So you can see what you're spending and try to change it? I've heard about the envelope strategy where you label all your envelopes (groceries, entertainment, gas, etc.) and put the money in them for that month, that being the only money you can spend on those particular things. I feel like I'd need A LOT of discipline to do that! Although budgeting is NOT something I want to do, I know we need to.

How do you budget?

Help! Its a potty training dilemma...

I need help! Charlotte (she is 2 1/2)has been potty trained for 7 months now...during the day. She still wears a diaper to bed, purely out of my own laziness of having to get up many times during the night to train her. How do you teach them to wake up to go to the bathroom? Do you just wake them up for the first week through the night to go? We have tried a few times to do so but she has already wet the bed by the first time we get her up. Then its changing the sheets, waking her up, changing her & getting her to fall back asleep...nevermind having to wake up to feed the baby through the night...I know I just have to suck it up, its my job, but I dont really know how to go about it. Dont get me wrong, Im NOT complaining. I am so thankful for my beautiful kids & for their health. I got lucky with 2 great babies & am so thankful to God for that!

She also will NOT go number 2 on the toilet! I have tried everything (well obviously not everything...). Getting rewards, candy, presents, dolls, barbies, polly pockets and she will not do it! Right when she has to go, she tells me she needs a diaper and I try and try to get her to go on the toilet, but she wont. She needs her diaper. I dont know if its a comfort thing, or if she is just scared for some reason, but I dont know what else to do! If I dont put a diaper on her she will just hold it which obviously is not good. Is this normal? Is it a girl thing? Am I doing something wrong? Or will it just take time?

Any advice?

S** after babies...

Its been a while since my last post! Its a new year, maybe Ill try to write a little more! You will have to excuse the grammar, Im using Tims laptop & for some reason I cannot figure out how to change the settings for the language & every time I try to make an apostrophe or question mark, this shows up...É È È. So annoying, Ive always been one to use proper grammar & now I cant. Ah well, could be worse I suppose! This post is going to be about an issue that almost every married woman with children go through, but is one that isnt talked about too much. Sex after having babies. So if this makes you uncomfortable (or if you are my mom or mother in law) it may be better not to read this, lol!

I was watching (for the first time) The Mom Show this morning, and it just happened to be about this topic. It was relieving to me to know that this is a huge issue in a marriage. Every one of the mothers said the same thing. Exhaustion is the main reason for the lack of sex in a marriage with a child or children. It is so hard to turn your brain off from the everyday things that need to be taken care of (laundry, cleaning, cooking & caring for the children) to get into that mood. And we are just plain exhausted! Also, the lack of spontaneity. When you have children, you cant just do it whenever you (or he) wants to. You have kids to take care of, and the demanding needs of a baby. I wish that Tim could have watched the show, although he has heard it many times from me and it doesnt seem to make a difference in his mind. He thinks I just dont like sex, or that I am not attracted to him. And that is not a good thing. But to know that every woman goes through this while adjusting to having a new baby & getting used to the new routines of everyday life was somewhat relieving.
On the other hand, I have to be more aware of his needs. Guys actually NEED sex. I think they need it to function, to feel like a man. And although I dont feel particularly sexy at this point in my life, I have to get over it. He is not going to notice the extra few (okay...15) pounds I havent lost, he just wants to have sex with his wife.

Sex is scary after you have a baby. That is another issue for new moms. I mean, a rather large thing just came out of us. We dont want anything going in there at the moment. On the other hand, we gotta just push through and it does get better. Sex is a major issue in marriages (well lack of sex) so we have to make an effort to keep that part of the marriage top notch. If you have a good sex life, most likely the marriage will be a lot easier.

They said on the show to ask your partner on a scale of 1-10 what they think your sex life is at. SCARY...as if we want to know the answer to that when we are already so hormonal! The women always think its higher then the men. Shocking. I called Tim and asked him. He asked if it was a trick question, lol. He said the quality was high on the scale, but not so much the quantity. Obviously ours is not up to par right now, and Im using the fact that I have a two year old and a two month old at home. But I cant use that excuse much longer, haha. Seriously though, I know that is something that we (well, I) need to make a conscious effort to improve. Although it will be hard, I mean, I would rather sleep most of the time...I have to just realize that it is important to feel that connection and intimacy in our relationship. It will drastically improve our marriage and relationship.

A few tips for the husbands. If you want to turn your wife on:
-clean up the house. I know it sounds weird (to a guy) but that is one less thing we have to worry about.
-run us a bubble bath. We need some relaxation!
-take us on a date! We are at home with the kids all day long, its nice to get out!
-we may need a little bit of foreplay. We are not like you. :)
DONT:
-grab our butts or any other part of us. That does not work for us (well at least me...)

I hope I didnt offend anyone by talking about this, sex is a risky subject to talk about I suppose! Just wanted to address the topic that many married people go through and let then know they are not the only ones!

Any thoughtsÉ (stupid question mark button!)